You can’t always be the #1. Do this instead.

Let me start off by giving you a little context.

I changed schools for my last two years of high school because my parents and I believed that the quality of education offered here was exceptional. I had gotten myself enrolled into the elite batch of students comprising about a meagre 40 compared to the 600 or 700 odd regular batch students.

All this felt like I’d accomplished something major, and my impeccable straight A’s that I was receiving while still at school did nothing but inflate my ego.

This balloon of ego which kept giving me a false, exaggerated image of what I was capable of, for 7 long months, was about to burst in a single three hour sitting, only two weeks from joining the new school.

I had given my first mock test of the actual test. The topics were based on whatever they’d taught us the weeks before, and (luckily) they hadn’t included the negative marking system. This test was supposed to be the easiest of all the tests which were going to be given in the course of the year, but I had a pang average score, even a little below class average. That is how I went from acing every test in my previous school to being a pang average student.

This definitely had to take a sharp thrust on my ego which I had unknowingly accumulated from the past 7 months, right?

It did. In fact, it did more than that. Don’t get me wrong; the reason my ego was so badly damaged wasn’t because I hadn’t put in the required effort. In that case, I’d have had the fake confidence that I could nail it the next time. What really got to me was how even after putting my best, I couldn’t get more than the class average.

I couldn’t tolerate that other people were better than me. My ego couldn’t tolerate that other people were better than me.

If you’ve ever experienced something like this before, you know what comes next; Suddenly you’re comparing yourself to others, even the slightest aspect in which you’re better than them feels like a relief, and even the slightest things that they’re better than you, nag you for hours. Your overall productivity in the day goes down. Suddenly you’re feeling a lot less energetic and motivated about your goal. You’re finding excuses to cushion your mistakes and shortcomings. You fantasize about working your ass off and seeing your desired result, but never put in the required result.

That was a long list wasn’t it? I went from being one of the handful top students in my previous grade to being a mediocre nobody. I felt every damn thing on there. I couldn’t speak about any of these issues with anyone, not even my friends or parents. Why? Duh, when you’ve got your ego hurt in some way, the natural human tendency is to keep it in. One of the main reasons people hesitate to go and ask the professor about a topic numerous times is because they’re afraid of judgement. “You will not find the answer if you’re too conceited to ask the question.” writes Ryan Holiday, the Author of the book Ego is the Enemy. They’re afraid of their image as a student in the eyes of the professor. The ego makes you perceive this sort of idea and disables you to seek guidance and talk about your vulnerabilities openly.

It took me a solid three weeks, a few days of feeling depressed, hopeless, and even a day of crying to start to make sense of what was really happening. And now, I would pay a billion dollars if there was somehow a way I can get my previous self to know about the thing I’ll discuss below.

You simply can’t be the #1 always, in everything. While this may sound very pessimistic at first glance, this is the reality. This is not accepting defeat, or accepting subordination or anything. This is just the truth that was hidden in plain sight to me. World records get broken all the time with new inventions and insights. Business empires decline after running for a fixed amount of years. The best leader can be replaced by the better one. Nothing is ever permanent, so you have to let go of the idea that you can continue to stay the best. 

There is a possibility that you can get replaced by someone and you have to accept that idea.

Let me take the classroom example that is very familiar to me. If you’re mediocre, stop trying to beat the top student. Instead, start trying to be the better version of yourself juxtaposed to you from yesterday. If the rate of your improvement in yourself is significantly more than the rate of improvement of that top student you’re trying to beat, naturally, you will emulate him/her one day. 

Stop setting your ultimate objective to beating the top kid, but rather, start trying to be the better version of yourself and let that be a byproduct that you meet on the way. 

When you’ve, say beat the top kid, don’t assume you will continue to stay in the same position. Remember, there are other people with you and you don’t know what will turn out in the span of time.

Closing note

Prevention is always better than cure. Not letting your ego build up in the first place to face these consequences is better than coming out of them. When you’re at the peak of some skill or position, or anything, keep reminding yourself that 1. You’re not the best of yourself yet, and 2. There are other people somewhere who will be better than you. Just be humbled and try not to focus too much on the outcomes. It is the process that matters. If you wish to be a grandmaster from scratch at the age of 30, it’s not always possible. Your opponents that you’ll face will have had more experience in the number of hours played that you can’t compensate even if you decide to put 24 hours a day.

Remember, it’s not always humanly possible to be the best. Some people have more leverage over you like time, experience, money etc. Try not to beat yourself up too much, and be kind to yourself.

That’s it for this blog post, folks. I really hope you liked my experience and found it (even a little bit) insightful. I’ll be back for the next post. Until then, stay safe, and take care. Cheers!